i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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