That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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