Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
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