Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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