Screwed.edu
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
