At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Are we in a gay sports bar?
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
and you said cock pushups were impossible
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
