I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
