her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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