please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
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And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
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I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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