Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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