nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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