So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
