i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
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