I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
