now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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