I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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