he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He shit in the fireplace
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize