You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
My Sexting was not on an AP level
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
