Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
