you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
