Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
