i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Randomize
