can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
