it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
