So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
