So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
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I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
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who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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