omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
