when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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