you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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