Where is the hickey?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
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