Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
