This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
