just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
