her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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