smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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