4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i would punch a child for taco bell
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
