my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize