I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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