You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
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