your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
whose parrot is this?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
