is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I will be naked everywhere
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
