he wants to bone in the snuggie
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
