I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
