Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
