no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
