You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed