My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
21 People That Had The Worst Birthdays Imaginable
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....