I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.