I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.