Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
