When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
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