so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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