i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
