I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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