i barfeds in our rink
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize