If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
