I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I must be too annoying 4 u.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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