In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
