I just cut my nipple shaving
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
