I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize