NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
