the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
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