Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
