who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
